042: no role models 🙁
A lot’s going on in the world right now, but have you ever heard of the term Milkshake Duck?
Some of you probably have. For those that haven't, here's what it means:
And here's the tweet that started it all:
It's an idea as old as time -> everyone has some skeletons in their closet.
Sometimes presented as, "Don't meet your heroes."
One of the things that fascinate me most about human knowledge is that most ideas revolving around human behavior and life advice are pretty much the same exact thing anywhere you go. You can read hundreds of self-help books from different countries and peoples and cultures and the shit they tell you is all the same. That's not to say these ideas don't work, the opposite. If people worldwide promote the same ideas, there has to be a reason for it.
There has to be some truth behind it.
And one of the biggest truths in the world is that people love a hero. Whether it's a superhero, a working-class hero, a war hero, a sports hero, there are all types of heroes. Not just people who do courageous things, but people we look up to. People we seek to emulate.
People we consider our role models.
And when you're a role model, everything you do is put under a certain light, scrutinized just a bit more than the average person. Because you're held to a higher standard. But sometimes, that standard is too high, and our role models fail us.
Hence the idea:
When you paint someone as infallible, you're bound to be disappointed. At the end of the day, we're all humans, and none of us are perfect. And we can try really hard, but shit happens.
Maybe you consider yourself a role model, someone people can look up to. Why is that? What is it that you do that people should look up to?
I never had a hero growing up. There was no athlete, celebrity, or fictional superhero that I tried to model my life around. I was lucky enough to have two hardworking parents who led by example. You might say they were my heroes, but I don't think it would be accurate in the sense of heroes we're talking about.
A beautiful thing about my parents is that they never pretended to be perfect. And I never expected them to be. And I guess that made it easier for me as I got older and realized that adults don't have it all as together as kids think they do. And in them being real with me, I'm able to keep it real with them. And we don't prop each other up to impossible standards. We have high expectations and are always there to support one another when things go wrong.
I'm not here to continue dangling my incredible parents in your face (you can see the MARTHA email for that). I'm here to say I think we search for heroes when something's missing from our lives.
When we need to look up to something that we feel isn't there. And we identify those traits in other people. People we mostly see on the news, in movies, in comic books saving the world, or (for younger generations) on social media platforms like YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram.
And when we see people accomplishing something we consider important or worthy of praise, we don't hold back assuming all the best things about them. Wanting to be like them. Because we're struggling so much to keep our heads above water, we think anyone who looks like they're doing well must have it all figured out.
I'm not saying this because it's something I do—ok, that's a lie, I definitely do it too! It's part of being human.
I say it because I see it happening online every day, and it's starting to worry me.
It's starting to worry me that we have collectively decided we need to find inspiration in someone else. That we are not enough inspiration for ourselves. And I see it happening a lot with younger people on social media.
Listen, I'm just like Kevin Durant. Not in the sense that I don't moisturize, because I moisturize heavy. And not in the sense that I'm one of the top 5 basketball players in the entire world right now. But in the sense that I go on social media and thirst follow hot girls and slide in DMs and shoot shots that never land.
Yeah, me and KD, two peas in a pod 🤜🏿🤛🏼
But one thing I've seen on my digital adventures that's stuck with me is the way some people are treated with a certain reverence. People who have done absolutely nothing noteworthy. Who don't seem to have any special talent at all except taking good pictures, being beautiful, or being fit. Yes, I'm following a random hot goth pixie girl who posts nothing but thirst traps and anime screenshots I don’t care about. Yes, I’m following a random hot local fitness girl who posts nothing but thirst traps, workouts, and inspirational quotes. And besides posting those sexy pictures, I literally have no idea what they do. They provide no other information about their lives except for the occasional, "I'm having a bad day, but I'm getting through it and coming back to post for you guys!" And then they share messages of followers telling them, "I love your energy so much! You really help me get through the tough times with your attitude. Thank you!"
And these people are taken back by these incredible messages and write, "Your messages are so beautiful they mean everything to me. Thank you for being my fans!"
And I'm just sitting there (thirsting) but at the same time gently asking myself WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS PERSON EVEN DO?!?!?!
HOW DO THEY HAVE FANS?!?!?!
WHAT IS THEIR JOB?!?!?!
WHAT IS THEIR SPECIAL TALENT?!?!?!
WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO GET A FOLLOWING AND GET PAID LIKE THEM?!?!?!
Then I realized I was focused on the wrong party here. We always look at the people who are doing mad crazy shit online or posting things that get everyone talking, and we focus on why they do what they do.
Wouldn't it be better if we focused on understanding why we react the way we do to these people?
I think it says more about society, not that these people are posting the way they are, but that so many others idolize them. People that for all intents and purposes, are living the same exact same lives we are. Lives filled with hope, joy, and success, but also anxiety, fear, loneliness, doubt, and uncertainty. But it seems all you have to do is occasionally pretend to have it all together, and people will think you're someone worth looking up to.
I think society is missing something that drives us. A collective push. And because we live in the era of the celebrity, and the glitz and the glam (and it's only going to get worse), we believe the people who have the biggest followings and the most likes are the people who have it all figured out.
I think it's because we've stopped thinking of our place in this world as part of a community and instead look at ourselves as the main characters. We might be the main characters in our own lives, but there are billion other main characters living their lives out there. And the decisions we make have consequences that reverberate throughout our community, whether we want to believe that or not.
Everyone thinks they are Lebron or wants to be Lebron. They want to feel like the greatest thing to ever happen on Beyoncé's green earth. Everyone thinks they're the one that's better than others, the one that's going to shine and make the most money. But if everyone can be that person, then no one can truly be that person. And I think we haven't been able to realize that yet. Because that would *GASPS* mean having to come to terms with the fact that we're not the special little person the world revolves around.
I believe you'll find your greatest strength when you realize that you are not Lebron. And you will never be Lebron (or INSERT NAME OF WHATEVER PERSON YOU THINK IS THE BEST TO DO SOMETHING).
Fuck wanting to be that other person.
You are incredible because you're fucking [INSERT YOUR OWN NAME RIGHT HERE].
And you should try to be the best [INSERT YOUR OWN NAME RIGHT HERE] you could ever be. And seek to outdo yourself every time. And seek to make yourself happy according to your own standards.
But that's not something that just comes easily to a human. It's something we have to learn. Something we have to be taught. With support, love, and nurturing. And once you're grown up, it's on you to give that support and love and nurturing to other people. And once you're grown up, you have to be your own hero (as well as someone else's hero, eventually).
So, I beg you, please stop trying to find some magical person who will solve the world's problems. You might be disappointed when you find out they're a racist.
NOT TO LIKE CALL ANYONE OUT, BUT DURING THE RAMS SUPER BOWL PARADE SOME LADY FELL OFF STAGE AND THERE WAS A VIDEO OF MATTHEW STAFFORD WALKING AWAY NOT HELPING HER AND PEOPLE WERE TALKING SHIT ABOUT STAFFORD AND THEN SHE RETWEETED THE VIDEO AND SAID SHE BROKE HER SPINE AND THEN HER GOFUNDME WENT CRAZY AND THEN SOMEONE WAS LIKE HOLD UP LET ME DIG DEEPER AND THEY FOUND A TON OF RACIST TWEETS SO THEY STOPPED GIVING MONEY TO HER GOFUNDME AND SHE DELETED HER TWITTER AND YEAH SHE'S FUCKED WAY TO BE A MILKSHAKE DUCK GIRL MAYBE NEXT TIME DON'T BE A RACIST.
Listen, I wasn't screaming. I just wanted to get my point across.
I felt all over the place today, but I hope you get some idea of what I'm trying to say.
If you don't have heroes, you'll never be disappointed when you meet them.
Let's hope the world's current hero doesn't fall into the cycle we're all so accustomed to seeing. Until then, here are a few tweets of people who are less optimistic than me:
PS
This new meme format is the real hero
