018: LIST OF THINGS IM WAY2SEXY4
anything is sexy if you decide it is...
Way2sexy to tap through your Instagram story without paying attention to anything so that it looks like I viewed it
For real. So many things feel repetitive or just plain boring. Please step your games up. And don't spend your precious seconds pretending to consume something you're not enjoying. If the story sucks, move on.
Way2sexy to do my own research
Sometimes you're watching professional sports, and an athlete will fuck up something that viewers assume is very easy to do. Like when a wide receiver in the NFL is wide open and drops a ball that hits him right in his hands. There's always that one guy watching who screams, "I could've caught that!" No, sir, you could not have caught that. You couldn't of even put yourself in the position to catch that because you're not even quick enough to jump off the line of scrimmage at full speed and run by another world-class athlete who's doing everything he can to stop you to then get in position for that catch to even be possible. Shit, I would've probably torn my ACL trying to sprint after standing perfectly still. So, a few years ago, my brother and I decided to go in a different direction when we saw an athlete fuck up. We started saying, "Shit, I could've dropped that!" Because it would be very easy to fuck something up like that. I cannot in any way do the incredible things professional athletes do. But I could definitely fuck something up real well. Because they've been training their entire lives for a moment like that. And I have no issues accepting what I'm capable of and what I'm not capable of. And that doesn't mean I doubt myself. I'm just aware of my limitations. And I'm aware of who is an expert at what. So if you think you're sexy enough to do your own research, research the things that are actually slowly but surely destroying our lives. Here are a few ideas (and there are many more).
Research gerrymandering
Research how the fuck Texas is has started us on the path to reverse Roe v Wade
Research why 9 individuals basically have the power to decide everything that happens with the law in a country of 300 million people
Research why used cars lots are crucial for state tax revenue
Research why we spend billions a year on weapons of war, but we think giving poor public school kids free lunch is a waste of money
Research why when a school has another shooting they ban backpacks instead of guns
Research when Forbes declares someone a "self-made anything" to make sure whether they were actually self-made or they had wealthy parents who gave them opportunities and connections that they wouldn't have had otherwise and would've never allowed them to accomplish what they accomplished
Research why Puerto Ricans were brought up with this idea planted in our heads that we're too lazy to work and get things done, so lots of the community thinks the only way we can improve our situation is to marry the abusive partner
Research why Eddie Dee still hasn't dropped El Diario *crying emoji*
Way2sexy to share a meme immediately after consuming it without thinking about it any further because the logic felt sound at first
In his latest Netflix special, Dave Chappelle addresses the DaBaby controversy and says:
"In our country, you can shoot and kill a n—a, but you better not hurt a gay person's feelings. And this is precisely the disparity that I wish to discuss."
And I know a lot of people are going to be like: yup, huge brain, Chappelle so right, everyone is too sensitive nowadays you can't say anything, he has a great point!
No, he doesn't. He has a very good idea he wants to argue: Why we're so desensitized to some things and not others. But comparing two shitty things to say, don't be so upset about one thing is such a weak-ass path of logic to take. Because it seems clever at first, but what it's really doing is pitting communities and ideals against each other in a way where no one comes out winning. I don't believe most people who view that will change their mind about DaBaby when learning of his violent incident in a Walmart. But they will start softening up to the fact that he made those terrible comments, and maybe we shouldn't be upset. So all he's doing is further marginalizing a community that's still marginalized, and not really doing anything to help another community that is also marginalized. I like where he was trying to go, but punching down isn't the way to get there.
Way2sexy to double park
Don't be that person 🚗
Way2sexy to have all these unread/unresponded messages
If you've texted or DM'd me the last few weeks, and I haven't answered, I'm really sorry. Been working a lot, and it's been hard to keep up. I say this because I usually answer every single conversation as quickly as I can. But it's been kind of overwhelming, and I realize it takes a lot of time and distracts me from other things. Please know I still love you, and we will chat soon. Yes, Steven, we will have that call.
Way2sexy to wash the dishes
It builds character, but I've built enough character. Dishwashers only from now on. I'm sorry if I let you down, Jessica Huang.
Way2sexy to idolize celebrities
For the record, when I do it, and it feels off I'm being sarcastic but also terribly honest and knowing that everything I'm doing is kind of a joke but also semi-serious. I don't think that sentence made sense in any way. Basically, what I'm saying is don't ever prop someone up to be infallible. Because everyone is human, and sooner or later, they will let you down.
Way2sexy not to moisturize properly
You need to do your entire body. Elbows, knees, back of knees, the bottom of your feet. Please, fellas, look at your nasty ass dry feet and tell me you don't need to moisturize. You can't. Thank you to the person who taught me this. And you're welcome for when 30 years from now you're happy you chose today to start moisturizing. PS It's after every single shower.
Way2sexy not to wash my legs and exfoliate
Kinda the same idea as above. Lavense las piernas, puercos.
Way2sexy not to floss
If you don't floss, try it tonight and see how much more shit you find in your teeth. You'll never go back to not flossing again.
Way2sexy to use a watch
You can't tell time by just looking at the sun and figuring out how high it is in the sky and then discerning the exact hour? I can't either. So I check the time on my phone. But if you see me wearing a watch, that never happened.
Way2sexy to idolize politicians
He says with a framed poster of Bernie Sanders on his living room wall (and another that's yet to be hung). But as I look at that poster, it reads, "Not Me, Us." And I'm reminded about how we're not idolizing an individual. We're buying into an idea that things can be better. Because this idea is bigger than any one single person (as Bernie himself said). Believe in ideas, support people. And if at any time the movement outgrows an individual or they lose track of the original purpose and fall one way, don't give up. That doesn't mean the idea or the movement is done.
Way2sexy not to drink water
Way2sexy not to wear a mask
Masks can definitely get annoying after a while. But if your biggest worry that day was an uncomfortable piece of cloth on your face that actually helps you not to get sick with any random illness someone could have and stops you from doing the same to others, I think it was still a pretty good day.
Way2exy to not be successful 🤠
Way2sexy not to make you smile 🤠
It’s the charisma
Way2sexy to get caught up in hot takes
Kanye and Drake both dropped very different, enjoyable albums. You can like them both and not have to compare. You also don't have to have an entire opinion the same exact day the music is released. I'm here to tell you it's okay to just enjoy the music.
Way2sexy to watch the news
Still blown away by how much older generations watch the news and always have it on. Everything they're consuming is so molded to push a specific ideological agenda. And it's not Democrat or Republic. It's so much deeper than that. I'm still trying to figure out how to properly explain it. But it's so fucked.
Way2sexy to talk to the police without a lawyer
Just don't do it.
Way2sexy to change my area code
7874LYFE
Way2sexy to change my phone number
I got my city doing front flips
Way2sexy to lose my contacts
(like phone numbers, not the ones for your eyes)
Seriously? At this age? They're not in your iCloud? De chamaquitos teniamos libretas enteras llenos de numeros pa cuando conseguiamos un celular nuevo and now we have the technology and you choose not to use it?
Way2sexy to think that everyone in prison should actually be in prison
Way2sexy not to use my turn signals
Way2sexy to hold on to terrible lessons and bad habits
Way2sexy not to unlearn things
Way2sexy not to realize the last 2 things were basically the same idea
Way2sexy not to wear sunscreen
Way2sexy to ignore good advice
I love giving hugs. I was recently told of some annoying hug habits that make the experience worse for the recipient of my hugs. I appreciate your honesty. I'm working on this to provide a better hug experience for anyone who I have the pleasure of embracing.
Way2sexy to miss a 2uesday email
Way2sexy not to hear from you
If you like this email text me with something you're way2sexy for so I can add it to my list of things I should be way2sexy for as well.
Way2sexy to address the rumors
People are going to talk. Let them. Just be sure of yourself and your decisions.
Way2sexy not to see you next 2uesday, and every other 2uesday after that
