2️⃣012: everybodydoesit 💦
2️⃣012: everybodydoesit 💦
mami, apologies in advance for the language
Even your parents
Not my parents though, that's now how I was born
The stork dropped me off. It was a
super special extra deluxe vintage Sunday edition delivery
that's how I was born
It wasn't because of the
Let's cut the malarkey
My parents have sex
Your parents have sex
Your grandparents had (or have) sex
(I mean, everything depends mentally and physically, but if more seasoned people are able to do it consensually and without fear of injury, I hope they're doing it as much as they can! It's like that one episode of 911 where- actually, nvm)
There are a few things in the world that every single person does. No matter what. One way or another. These things have to happen.
Everybody pees
Everybody poops
Everybody FUCKS
Well, some people fuck, some FUCK, some fuck, some…..fuck?, some FUUUUUCK, some are making love, some are doing it wrong (there's a lot of these, sadly), some think it's only about them and have no idea why their partner is never happy, some are like almost 30 and you still have no idea what you're doing?
Just google that shit please, there are literally video tutorials by pornstars to tell you how to do it right (for everyone's sake)
That's the way I've always seen it: literally, everyone in the world has sexual intercourse, or at least they want to have it
It's programmed into our DNA
It's part of our drive to survive
(well, unless you're the 1% of the population who's asexual, in which case, idk I'm sorry you can't understand why it's so awesome, I wish I could give you this feeling, it's like planking on a BILLION)
(insert justin timberlake sean parker quote from social network here during that restaurant scene with andrew garfield for final email)
(PS for the sake of this email, we will just say "everyone wants to have sex" but we're actually not including asexuals in the "everyone" because they've made their desires clear)
Sometimes I'll respond to something by saying "that's interesting" or "it's interesting how.."
That's literally what I'm thinking: "this thing is very interesting. It deserves more time to be discussed and understood. I want to better know the reasoning and motivation of why this happens. I want to know the WHY because it's fascinating for me to understand."
I've always found it interesting that no matter how many people there are in the world and no matter how different their personal preferences are, everyone wants to have SEX
You can guarantee at one point or another everyone you've seen or passed by has been getting down doing the dirty (or clean, maybe you prefer some vanilla stuff, that’s cool, whatever floats your boat or finds your lost remote)
The bus driver, the janitor, your teachers, that racist politician, someone you consider hideous and ugly, and you can't even possibly imagine them with their clothes off, sweaty, glistening, moving their hips in all types of different directions, moaning and shit, getting their rocks off…
Yes, even that person that you wouldn't want to have sex with in a million years. That person has sex. Or at least they want to.
It's this carnal desire we all share. And for some reason, even though it could be the one thing that brings us all together -- we seem to let it only drive us further apart.
This email was inspired by OnlyFans
(speaking of, if you're bad at sex, you can literally subscribe to some pornstar's OnlyFans and DM them and be like, I'll pay you some money if you give me tips to be better at sex, and I promise you they will be delighted to help you. Some of you might be snarkily saying to yourselves, "Is that what you did, D?" idk but you can text me and find out)
When it was recently announced that OnlyFans would basically be banning porn, there was an uproar on the internet. I'm not here to talk about that. But let me drop some quick notes in case there's any doubt where I stand:
At first, OnlyFans said it was because of investors, but it's because of Visa/MasterCard changing their policies. The banks and credit companies (and people with money) run everything.
Fuck FOSTA-SESTA, all my homies hate FOSTA-SESTA
If you're like, "David, don't you hate child sex trafficking/sex trafficking? Isn't the bill about that?" Blocking a few sites is like stopping a raindrop from falling in the ocean when it comes to the real impact that shit had on sex trafficking (and I say this in an extremely sad tone because, yes, all my homies fucking hate sex trafficking). Also, what this bill really did was made it even harder for sex workers to operate in the open so they get pushed to the shadows where things get more dangerous and shadier. It wasn’t meant to do what they told you it was meant to do…
If you want to know more, besides reading some of the articles I linked, learn from an actual sex worker! They're everywhere! And I don't mean just pornstars. Find real sex workers on social media, people who do this for a living and have been active for decades, and read what they post and what they say. Please stop getting your info from WorldStar, Complex or Molusko or one of those shitty local city hype accounts like LifestyleMiami that will post a screenshot of the headline with a caption that reads, "This new bill aims to bring down sex trafficking. What do you guys think? Let's discuss!"
Basically, when you want to learn about something. Ask someone who is literally an expert at it
And stop falling for the clickbait captions and posts
This email is about how everyone responded to the OnlyFans news. It kinda showed what huge pieces of shit everyone is.
If you thought this tweet was funny, respond to this email post with a comment saying why you thought it was funny. I'm just interested to see what your reasoning is
Here's why I don’t think it’s funny:::
Why don't we ever make fun of other people when they lose their job for reasons out of their control?
What if you heard your local K-Mart, who employed half the town, was closing? And some mom wouldn't be able to pay for her child's school because the K-Mart closed and no other place pays even remotely as good as that K-Mart?
Would you respond like…
LMAOOOOOO HA LAME RETAIL WORKERS, NOW YOU CAN'T JUST SELL CHILDREN'S TOYS AND KHAKI SHORTS ANYMORE GO FIND A REAL JOB.
Didn't think so.
if you're saying "because david, that's a real job" I implore you to question what makes you believe any retail job selling us shit we don't need is more "real" than actually providing the most sought after service on the planet
(I wanted to do this example with WallStreet guys and Cryptotraders and people who literally make money looking at squiggly little lines that describe fake things we give fake value to and lose millions in seconds because of speculation, but we went with K-mart. At least you know how I feel about trading now. So, please, go back to making money off SMELLOFAFARTCOIN because that's somehow real work)
So, what makes OnlyFans so different that people can cheer when others lose their job? What is so wrong about someone using their body, the one thing they have naturally, to make a profit? (Even if the body is fake. WHO FUCKING CARES)
Seeing all these women at 20 years old buying houses off OnlyFans, fuck yes. Buy your house and all your shit. If I was confident enough to just show myself naked and make more money in one month than most people make working their ass off for years, then I would totally do it. Alas, my role in life is to write the tweets. But maybe the tweets will get big enough that people want to see me naked for money one day. I'll let you know if that day ever comes
To me, one of the worst excuses is when someone says,
"What if you saw your mother/daughter/sister/grandmother doing this?"
(that question was posed using the female gender but it could be male or gender-neutral, this email supports sex workers all across the gender spectrum 🤠)
Shit, it'd be a little awkward because I've never looked at them in a sexual way, but it's their body. It's their life. If they feel confident enough to use it to make money, more power to them. Also, it kinda gives away that you're a huge piece of shit if the only way you can understand why something is wrong is if it happens to a family member (or putting it differently, when the only way you can understand it is by relating it back to yourself).
It shouldn't be that something is wrong when it happens to a family member. It should be that something is wrong if it happens to any human in the world. That's actual morality. That's right and wrong.
But then we have popular pieces of shit on the internet making jokes at the expense of people who can't defend themselves. Perpetuating those ideas makes the world less of a safe place for the people who are the target of the joke.
Shit like this
Just scroll through the comments to find people you want to unfollow, or you want to include in your memory bank of "this person is a huge piece of shit."
Oh, look, I found a super interesting one
This guy got famous by producing a song called OnlyFans about dating women with an OnlyFans and how awesome it is that everyone wants to have sex with them, but the people on the song are the ones that get to have sex with them because they're rich and famous.
He then started dating a sex worker, got her pregnant, and now wants her to take down her OnlyFans and writes tweets insulting her for being a sex worker who is going to be a mom. True story. If you want to support her, her name is Lyann Diamond and you can give her all your money right here.
I've once again written too much, and I'm not sure if my point was made. But want I really want to say is this.
Sex work is real work (and that shit ain't easy, if it was, everyone would do it)
Everyone in the world wants to have sex,
but the majority of the world shuns people who are open about their sexuality
I'm interested in understanding why
I think it's jealousy
I think people wish they could be as free and confident with themselves as sex workers are
It's all jealousy because people are being actually exploited by a system that has convinced them they are not being exploited. Then they see someone who is using the system for their own gain (the way they think they are doing) and fucking kicking ass at it, but they don't have the balls or the body (or the booty) to do it themselves, so they talk down on that person. When all they want in life is to f*ck that person (or to have someone f*ck them in a nice consensual way, not the way your company does by taking up 85% of your time during the year and giving you 12 days off to get your shit together).
If you personally don't want to have a partner that is a sex worker, that's totally fine, don't
Don't judge people who decide to do sex work to make a living
Don't judge people who are sex workers and have kids
Don't make fun of people if one of their relatives is a sex worker because you probably jacked off to that person and wish you could be with them, but that person wouldn't even give you the time of day
And if you think sex work isn't a real job, or shouldn't be legal, or people should have to suffer or hide or go through all types of crazy hoops to be able to perform LITERALLY THE OLDEST PROFESSION IN THE WORLD OF WHICH THERE IS A NEVER-ENDING DEMAND AND WHICH JESUS WAS COOL WITH HE WAS LIKE YO IT'S OKAY DON'T HATE THE HOES THEY'RE GOOD IN GOD'S LIGHT also you're kind of a piece of shit, is your life free of sin? What? You literally stole your neighbor's food that they worked hard to grow and blamed someone else when your neighbor went hungry? And you look down on a random person for getting paid to suck dick? Maybe you need to be the one doing the paying and get all that tomfoolery out of your head with some nice release.
If you have a problem with sex workers and sex work, I just want to ask you one thing
WHY?
Seriously, I want to know what bothers you about it. Please respond with a comment telling me. I mean, if it's such a valid point and you have great reasoning, shouldn't everyone be able to see what your thoughts are? Please make sure to leave first and last names when doing so.
PS
Here’s all the info you could possibly want about FOSTA-SESTA directly from the adult entertainment industry.
See you next 2uesday, I hope you get laid before then. And if you don’t and you have to result to watching some explicit videos to do it, I hope you support sex workers and would never judge them for doing something that brings you so much joy. And if you still want to judge, then I hope you’re not able to get yourself off and you’re just edged forever and never climax.
PPS
one last thing. it’s suuuper interesting to me how people don’t support porn stars until they start doing more non-porn things or are presented in a non-porn light. think of Lana Rhoades, I didn’t see girls sharing her pics and all up in her likes when she was doing gangbangs but now….no one cared about Antonella La Sirena when she was a porn star starting off and talking about getting BBL surgery (yes, that ass is fake my friends, i think the boobs are too, good for her) but now she’s super cool and does interviews and photoshoots with everyone. i guess this means we all support sex workers, riiiight?